One Good Turn a Day

   Our setting: Church Parking Lot, about 9:30 PM, January 22nd, Tues. Or, if you'd rather I "just get to the point"(*HEAVY SIGH*), last night after the girl scout meeting. It was chilly. Just chilly to the point of sizing people up as to who'd be the best choice to hack open for crawling inside to stay warm, yet not chilly enough to ask around to see who'd brung their pocket knife with them.
   I could tell by the number of times my mother had paused the conversation momentarily to say "Ok, time to go" and infinitesimally shifted toward where we were parked that we were about to leave. So, too late to ask her to unlock the church- Which, admittedly, wouldn't have been as big a deal if I hadn't had to pee so bad. As it happened, though, I did have to pee, with a certain degree of urgency. So, I informed my mother of my intentions and hiked across the street to Walgreen's.
   After bouncing inside(my attempt to remain nonchalant while simultaneously moving fast enough for there to be absolutely no risk of wetting my pants) making a beeline towards the bathroom and *ahem* taking care of unfinished business, I was of a mind to get a coke because

1. I was in Walgreen's with my wallet in my hand, so to use their facilities and then run without buying anything would have felt wrong and, I think, at least a little bit, 
2. It has become kind of a routine for Lauren and I to go in before a meeting and get a Welch's Grape juice and a Coke, respectively, so I'm kind of used to having a coke around that time. Fellow Coca-Cola addicts will know what I mean.

   So there I am, standing there. I've got my wallet in one hand, other hand hovering over the coke mid-grab, when something gives me pause. There, three slots away from the plastic coke bottle slot, is where the Grape Juice sits. Lauren had told me earlier that she wanted one(though we didn't end up going in before the meeting), and I knew she meant it. That girl will go through Bottles of grape juice like a Hummer through jugs of gasoline. So I grabbed it, too. I brought My coke, and her grape juice up to the counter, like normal, even though she wasn't there to nag and beg pleeeeeaaase Sarah, or put her little girl purse on the counter and dig out coins, having me wait until the cashier juuust starts to squirm until she proudly puts the last dime atop the pile. I get outside and wait in the car for mom and Little bit to get in the car(which does not take long) and surprise her by pulling it out.
   The look of Surprise/Excitement that crosses her face does not last long. Nor, perhaps unfortunately, does her silence. But the feeling of "I am an awesome sister" lasted much, much longer. And it wasn't a real big deal. I spent an extra two bucks on a drink I don't like and was probably at least a little bit expected to anyway. Not that awesome. But it made me FEEL awesome. Sure I was still the slightly grouchy/tired big sister who doesn't CARE that you got invited to a birthday party you are soooo excited about, and can't shut you up about it. But it my mind, I was SuperSister, the acne-faced superhero traipsing around making little boys and girls smile with grape juice and knowing just where that sock's missing twin got thrown, and of course I'll help you tie your shoes, Champ, it's not like I have absolutely anything I'd rather be doing with my time.
   Perhaps, as well, that feeling carried over to the next day(read; today) and inspired me to oblige my baby sister begging My Mother, Me, ANYONE to teach her how to make "Dose t'ings"(Ojo de Dios', The Junior's craft for WTD, actually really cool Mexican cultural thing if you'd care to check it out). I taught her, and she's actually pretty good, making recognizable mini Ojo de Dios t'ingies. The ones she made, I swear could have been made by one of the Juniors(9 to 11 year olds), and I find that impressive for a four year old.
   This deed, again, made me feel like SuperSister, with the added bonus of having another mini-GS for our Ojo de Dios assembly line(Swaps in bulk, man, swaps in bulk.) It really makes me wonder how good I would feel, as a sister, as a daughter, as a person in general, if I could manage to do, as the title implies, 'One Good Turn a Day'(which also doubles as the boy/cub scout motto, or whatever.) If I could just manage to read to the four year olds, or play Rummy with Lauren, or watch Dan Versus with Caleb, or Play Risk with all of them, how much better would I feel? How cool could that be? If I could just shoehorn in a barbiedoll session with Brynna, right in between Badgework and Homework and Procrastinating against Badgework and Homework, How much happier would we BOTH be? Not to mention the fact that in exactly 28 days I will be SIXTEEN. That's, what? Two and a half years away from college? Tops? THEN how much time will I have for them? ASSUMING I go to college RIGHT here? I don't even know. I do know that the sound of two babies snoring happily, waiting for tomorrow to come so that they can play 'kylanders some more(more on that in a different post soon!), Tell mommy about her wigg'ly toof, 'Read' Axe cop and Dora books some more, is a wonderful, peaceful sound. Almost enough to make me forget that Brynna sneezed right in my face an hour ago.

                                                      Good night all, and to all a good "A-CHOO! ew."
                                                                                                      -Sarah

~ ath

   I think about death.
   Don't get me wrong, I'm not a 'Death is beautiful and precious and I need it bottled to wear as perfume' Emo Goth, or whatever the stereotype is now, but I do think about it. About how when so-and-so(no names in case they read this! 'hey so I read on your blog that you think about me dying'? Really? Awwwwkward!) dies my entire life will be changed. Or, more like, warped. What life could that be, after all, where I couldn't talk to that person? Hear their voice? Hug them? How could I even be 'Sarah' without them? It shouldn't occur to me like that, but it does. I just can't fathom being Me without that person, or Me minus this person.
   In my rational mind, I do know that 'Sarah' being 'Sarah' is not reliant on any person being around, absent, alive or dead. But certain people I just can't imagine being me without. I know that's not wrong, or weird, it just is.
   But then, It's not always death of people I think about. Just today I had a thought:

                                            'One day, I will be grown. I may be a novelist. I may be a veterinarian. Eric may be anything, same as I.  Same for Lauren. Same for Caleb. Same for all of us. Hell, Brynna may have pursued her lifelong dream of being a Dentist/Superspy. We may all be close-ish. We may all grow apart. We will not be in school together. We will not be all in the same room, getting angry at each other for having raised a hand first and having Mom's attention while the rest of us wait in line. The babies will no longer be The Babies(a habit Mom is already trying to break us all of, haha). They will(hopefully, at least)have full grasp of the 'affa-bet' and that Seven is not a letter, and neither is 'Ellemenopee'. Lauren will have had Braces. We will(Again, hopefully.)not be screaming at each other to "Shut up" and and that "I hate you!". These are all (for the most part)good things to be rid of. But then all of them will be gone forever. Never again will I have the opportunity to hug my brother whenever I damn well please. Never again will I lightly tug on my sister's hair to say 'Hey, Stupid. Love you.' That stage of my life will be over. Forever.'

   I know that all I'm focusing on in the hypothetical future I may not even reach is the past(From the future! Woo convoluted thought process!), and not that life may be the best it ever was, I could be married to a wonderful man with four wonderful, well-behaved kids just as easily as I could be a destitute failed author with fifty cats to fill the void where the love/bacon I can't afford would go. I could be DEAD. But somehow, I don't really feel that that's the point. I mean. I do think about that stuff too. I still don't know what I want to be when I 'grow up', but I'm turning it over in my head every spare second it seems, now, and this, this isn't about 'the future and what's mine there.' It's about 'The End.'
   "The end of what?", you may ask, imaginary reader that may or may not exist. I'm not quite sure. Can you sum all that up in a word? I suppose the word I'd use would be 'Childhood', but then, I should have been asleep hours ago and probably shouldn't be writing this late. Maybe there isn't a word I'm looking for, and I'm not even talking about that specific thing to End. Maybe I'm just talking about endings in general. Maybe we can't even really 'get' the End until it's Ended permanently. I don't know.

   With all of the above having been considered, I have an inquiry for those few readers I may or may not have; Can you? Can you fully comprehend the 'End' of anything, really, before it is? Does it really matter? Am I just unnecessarily thinking extensively about something that won't matter until after these bridges are already crossed and burned? Should I just forget about it and occupy my thoughts with more productive things, like projects or the novel that is a barely plausible idea right now? Chime in down from the peanut gallery in the comment if you are so inclined.

   Final bit of business before I go to sleep: A reward to those of you who read all the way to the end of that exceedingly childish, annoying, and purposeless rant.

 

You're Welcome 

Thanksgiving in January

   I'm grateful for my crotchety father, from whom I inherited my charming sense of humor.
   I'm grateful for my beautiful mother, who taught me the most about functioning like a human being who at least looks like she knows what she's doing (I hope!)
   I'm grateful for my siblings, who will always be the best/worst friends I will ever be tortured graced with.
   I'm grateful for my life, my family, and my friends, and lest I forget and begin to wallow in pointless self pity because I don't have a "perfect" body, or because I didn't live up to someone else's expectations or my own ridiculously high standards, I'll just leave this here, as a reminder, to myself, to everyone who happen upon this goofy  15 year old's blog, to love the life you have, because you won't always have it.
                                         
                                                                               Thank you,
                                                                                       -Sarah

Launch in 10, 9, 8...

Well, if you are reading this, then MoaS-PT is online and going! I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited, but at the same time there's the LittleVoice in my head saying 'Is this it? Certainly doesn't look like much, does it?' But then, I guess I have plenty of time I can(and will) spend trying to "perfect" anything and everything I do, and such a limited amount that will be left for sitting back and appreciating what I've accomplished, so.
:)






"What better time than the present?"        -Somebody, Somewhere, this very moment.